Life story of this blog til now

Ok, this topic is considerably shorter than the previous topic. But it is still gonna be one hell of a long post, so get that mug of coffee anyway.



Hmm... where do i begin? I'll begin with the now. Its 0546 in the morning, 24 October 2004. It's a sunday, and instead of catching up my much needed weekend sleep (to cover back the weekdays which i do not sleep at 2200), I'm hunched in front of my dusty laptop typing away to the rhythmic chirping of some dam bird. So something is definitely bothering me. I woke up a couple minutes ago, and suddenly my mind started churning, and i was vividly thinking about something, something which i predict will come to my mind lots in the days to come, and i couldn't get back to sleep. And what do bloggers do when they couldn't sleep? There you go :)



The next thing that i thought of was to locate the source of irregularity that would awaken me. No one was pounding on anything at the mrt site, no one snoring, no lights, nice breezy wind, fan on, no 0500 alarm clocks, no birds, no coffee the whole day the day before (think i told someone before i don't do coffee on saturdays), no spirits or apparitions (thankfully) and no reason. I woke and i woke very suddenly. Atleast i didn't wake violently, I did that before. I was startled awake with a scream and i instinctively raised my hands to ward off any impending dangers only to realize that it was me mom waking me up to go to camp.



Startled awake, that happens to me quite often. Ex-housemate yeat yee encountered it once. we both had exams the next day and we were both rushing to cover a whole semester's work. I think my paper was data mining. Sometime into the night, i told her i was gonna catch an hour of forty winks. That comes up to one and a half minute per wink (ok, irrelevant...). I asked her to wake me up no matter what happens. So an hour later, she came in my room to wake me up. I went, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh", and she went pale. Anyway, i think i scored pretty alright for that subject. She told yinyin about it later, and no one ever did came into my room without knocking, even if the door was opened :) Don't think any of them tried waking me up again.



The other person who saw a lot of violent wakeups was ken ming. my ex-ex-ex-housemate. That's when i was living in the west on-campus houses, together with four ozies, two of them girls perpetually drunk, one of them guy perpetually half drunk, and the last guy was the tv guy. The tv in the house was his, and he is as much glued to the tv as i am to my laptop. Ken ming would come in and startle me awake and then begin to emphatically explain the reasons he was waking me up. Think he was trying to reassure the startled me. But it was the wrong thing to do, coz i always can't understand or even hear what he was talking about. And when i've settled down, i would go ask him, and he would say, "phone call." Oh... the phone in west houses were common and situated in the living room.



Enough of violent awakenings. Obtw, since i talked about yinyin, i'll talk a little more about her. Yinyin is really a pet name that yeat yee and i call her by. Her name is really just Yin. People who meet yinyin initially would find her socially ice cold. But once you get past that, she 's really an alright and adorable person. Yes, me waving my little magic wand, working all the tiny intricacies to reach out to people (yes i do that, despite the fact that i'm rather anti-social). Funny how the dam wand doesn't work on myself.



Yinyin's life in gippy could be sum up as: study, sleep and watch tv. My life in gippy (or atleast during the masters year and a half) could be sum up as: play games, sleep and watch tv. So you see, we do have something in common, watching tv. This is for those who think too much, no we do not share sleeping moments. It's kind of an impossibility since i sleep at 0600 (yes morning) everyday and she sleeps much earlier. Thinking back, life in gippy (or atleast most of the time) was kind of carefree when i was watching tv together with yinyin. We'll laugh at my silly comments and she'll laugh at my poor command of cantonese language. And there's that stoopid unloyal cat. So you see, two posts back about missing her is not only missing her but also about missing good carefree times.



Ok, on with my blog's life story before ya fall asleep, or become too caffeinated to read. Obtw, those pedantic enough would realize that 0546 24 Oct is really just a mere five plus hours from 23 Oct. Now that i've put it that way, and if you've been reading the past few weeks, i think it becomes pretty crystal, that this entry is, as yvonne puts it aptly, another of my little me's bgr. So now that you know the topic, you can skip it if you're not interested :( (yes, that makes me sad, skipping it that is)



Ok, on with my blog's life story (I wonder how many more times i would have to say this before the end of this entry).



Ok on with my blog's life story. As you can see from the first post of the archives, it was dated in december. I was kind of happily signing up for free stuff, came across blogs, thought it was kind of cool, and signed up. Made a test post and forgot about it. Then came my first post, um... disregarding the other three posts that came before my so called first post during that month that is. Yes first post was about coffee and it being the beverage of friendship in this blog.



Did i mention that bloggers love comments? Be it in the comments or in the tag boards. I've read xiaxue's blog, which have gone from allow comments to dun allow comments (she said she didn't want to care about what other people thought of her, that she would write as she wants) and back again to allow comments. Didn't really ask her, since i don't know her and she doesn't know me. But a good guess was that she really wanted comments, since the comments i did read was kind of supportive of her. Similarly, in icegalaxia's blog, she had expressed over several posts about comments and thanking them too. Bloggers love your comments, be it some philosophical crap or some smiley (I know, coz i'm always kind of happy to see a tag that's not by lbandit). And that's talking to you (a little on the word you, i've used it as a double edge sword many times. remember, it can be singular or plural), my blogders (I have no idea why they call readers as blogders). I'm sure you'll be happy to see my response to you when you tag on my tag board too.



Ok on with my blog's life story. This blog began life when a little boy sought out a means to convey his thoughts to that someone. Thinking back on the timeline of events, i really had no idea what was happening at that time. So life began on this blog, i emailed to several people about my blog whom included that someone. My very first reader was my lil jie (3) bai(4) couzin (i wonder if anyone picked up on my choice of spelling, where 'couzin' refers to my lil jie bai couzin and 'cousin' refers to my other cousins.)



Speaking of cousins, everytime i talk about female cousins, someone is bound to nudge me and say, "eh, biao mei". Plz lah.... I will not fall in love with my cousins. You guys watch too much tv, and i thought i was the one who watched too much tv in gippy. It's the same way how i will not fall in love with colleagues or bosses. Now i do wonder if anyone would think that i am making this paragraph to them. Coz as life began on this blog with that someone in mind, every post here had always been kind of meant to be really just for her to read, or so i hoped she would read.



Ok on with my blog's life story. April 15, my blog came to a huge hiccup. That was sometime after siew ling told me about that someone's wedding through icq. I saw siew ling on icq, but initially i hadn't really wanted to chat with her at that time. But i thought better of it and decided to do some pr (people relations). It had always been better to have more friends. Well two good things did come of it. First was that i'm now her colleague. The second was of course the wedding thingy.



At that time i was slogging through ejbs (enterprise java beans). Apparently, ejbs required server capable operating systems and running windows 98 on my laptop didn't help. I began going to the campus's 24 hour labs to do my assignments. It became like a second home, me occupying my niche and using two computers, one for ejb and one for music. The guy operating the vending machine must have been happy, coz snicker bars were mysteriously being depleted in the wee morning hours (or late night hours) :)



But the news was too depressing, i quickly touched up what i could on the ejbs and submitted. Didn't really cared whether i passed or failed the assignment at that time. Think i really did fail one of them. Ah, douglas thompson's assignments. I'm always failing them. I remember my first assignment with him during my first year of bachelor. It was on semaphores and deadlocks. I got zero for that assignment (the semaphores assignment). Ironic how it is that it was the same semaphores in the exams that made me get a hd (high distinction) in the subject.



It was kind of a depressing time, with plenty assignments due and research not making headways. I cried as i mentioned in April 15 post. Yinyin did notice something, but she attributed the puffy eyes and tired face to spending nights in the 24 hour labs. Hmm... i cried when she was getting married, i cried when i thought i was gonna die, and i cried after she got married. Dam, i'm such a crybaby. That's three times already this year, alot of things to happen in a year. Year 2004. Ah.... i know why now. Year 200 4 . The number four had always been bad luck. I should have known what was installed for me this year, when i went to guanyin temple two times, prayed two times with the qian(1) and both times got the bad fortune qian. I'm never going to pray for another qian(1) liao.



Ok on with my blog's life story. So i stopped blogging, since the purpose of the blog was made obsolete. "That which does not break me makes me stronger." Dam the guy who says such things, i would rather have everything going smoothly in my life :p Almost a month later, i looked into my own blog on may 12, and i noticed that my blog's counter had been jumping. There were 40 hits when i wasn't writing anything. And looking at the tag board, i went, "Gosh".



MI (monash international, a department in monash university assigned to dealing with international students) tagged a couple tags onto my board. They tagged the answer to my unanswered riddle together with some philosophical stuff. And i went "....", yes that reads as speechless. I knew i advertised on friendster, and mi had an account with friendster, but i never thought they were reading my blog. Blogders are one compelling reason for bloggers (A reason for you to start commenting or tagging :p). As i always say, there is supply only if there is demand. So on may 12, i picked up blogging again, slowly and gradually.



Thus the life of this blog shifted from writing for that someone to writing for everyone. But irony had its way, and my thoughts were never far. My blog quickly turned back into writing for that someone. And somehow without me prompting, that someone began reading again. Then game aug 26, nine days after her birthday (I'm noting this down just in case i forget :D) , i made an entry which i honestly thought she would respond to. Turns out she wasn't reading anymore.



Not giving up, i posted yet one more in early october. But still she wasn't reading. But someone who knew both of us read it and mentioned it to her. A couple of emails and she discovered that there was that earlier post which she missed. But i didn't exactly tell her which date it was. I think i managed to make her read every post up til that post. For someone as busy as her to do that, it kind of means alot to me, or any other blogger. Um... Sorrie :p :)



Fast forward to less than 24 hours ago, met up with moh hoon, my primary school friend, while going to the church for the wedding. She asked me what most people would ask of me, "How's your masters?". That question was pretty common, but after my reply, she ask something else, "So was it worth it?". Fancy asking me such a question, especially just before the wedding. I didn't really know what exactly she was asking. Anyway, i didn't really have an answer, blabbered something that seem to sound coherent (dam i so good at doing these things), and waited for a late siew ling. Well, i was late myself, so she didn't seem that late to me.



But thinking back, and considering the timeline of events, and where on the timeline they were located, i dun think i'll be saying, "the masters course was not worth it". Then again, i'm not saying that the masters course was worth it, just that... i don't know, i'll leave it at that. Don't look for an elaboration on this, i won't mention it again, some things are better forgotten.



This blog has touched 23 oct, which i consider as a cornerstone in my life. Icegalaxia mentioned something about cornerstones in one of her posts. She said that because a cornerstone is so full of possiblities, that we should approach it with anticipation and excitement. But instead of being energetic, i feel so drained. Yes my dear, i read ALL your posts, and i'll be re-reading them again plenty of times, muahahahahahahaha. Um.... where was i before the evil laugh? Oh... i'll be re-reading them again plenty of times, muahahahahahahaha.



Ok on with my blog's life story, coz everytime i try an evil laugh, it comes acorss as a crazy/mad laugh. Think i need more practice. Or maybe i'm just on form (for the crazy/mad laugh). Hmm, my guess is that that (ya double that, no mistake. read again without brackets and give a pause in between the 'that's) someone wouldn't be reading this until some very long time later. Don't think she'll be reading this in korea. And think she'll be pretty busy with piled up work when she's back. And there's still the hubby thingy and baby bonuses to claim ;D Or maybe our mutual friend would tell it to her again. Or maybe she wouldn't and this post gets bumped into the archives and become lost in history. Hmm... now that i covered all the possibilities that i can think of, i really don't know what our mutual friend will do :p



Ok on with my blog's life story, i'm nearing the end of the life story of this blog til now. So i woke up suddenly and without reason thinking about her and couldn't stop thinking about her. Here i shall defend myself against those who frown on me about thinking of married women. I did not choose to think about her constantly. I was sleeping, and i woke up to realise i was thinking about her. My family has a long history of high blood pressure, i will not knowingly invite stress to myself by choosing not to let go. I did not choose to not let go, it just happens. I did not think of her in any way of 'hum sup' or otherwise, i was just thinking of her. And although i'm feeling depressive, i will not do anything criminal or contemplate suicide.



I'm just a little boy with a broken heart.



Ok on with my blog's life story. Time now is 0915. I've spent 3.5 hours writing :) I've seriously considered doing what i did in 15 apr. Only this time round, if i did that, it would be kind of permanent. I would not return to even peek at the counter or tag-board. But i shall not coz i'm quoting myself, "Blogders are one compelling reason for bloggers". Have a happy weekend, or what's left of it :) :) :) :) :) :) smile therapy ;)