Clithrocynophobia

My fear of dogs is becoming monumental. Clithrophobia, fear of being enclosed. Cynophobia, fear of dogs. I would say my fears are more correctly terminologised as Clithrocynophobia. The fear of being enclosed with a dog. I'm quite ok with dogs existing at quite a distance from me. And yes, i like making new words.

A couple days ago, i was going out and was waiting for the lift. The door opened, and there was a lady with her dog in the lift. The lady might have been a babe, but i didn't really notice her. I passed on the lift and my heart really was beating faster ya noe.

I remember another time which was almost similar. There was a woman inside the lif with a huge dog. The main difference was that the dog was barking and growling verily fiercely in my opinion. But the woman waved me in, "It's ok." she said. I don't know why she thought the situation was ok, when the dog was quite ready to bite my head off the moment i stepped into the lift.

I figure that dog owners are so in love with their dogs, that the thought of them tearing my flesh to bits seems quite impossible to them. Hmm... dogs must be holy... they can smell the evil in me.

Peanuts of love

Hmm.. nobody take this post too seriously ok.

It seems everytime i go to a karaoke, i would have to entertain those present with my personal number on the Phantom of the Opera duet, singing both female and male scores. If you've never heard the screeching crows make when dying from cancer growing in their nether regions, you've never heard of me singing in emulation of a female voice.

Anyway, some time during the karaoke session, i needed to go for a pee pee, the drinks being free flow and all. When i went back to the ktv room from the loo, i was like, omg, yeat yee ditched her boyfriend to come sing karaoke with me!

Unfortunately, good things never happen to me in life. The person was actually my colleague's friend yvonne. For those interested, she's a different yvonne, not the one from tmc. Anyway, yvonne had this likeness to yeat yee, when looked at from the right from a certain angle.

Recently, i have this theory, that if love was in units of peanuts, i could potentially gauge love from the number of letter 'y's in the name or names of a person. Um.. don't ask me how it works... it's just a random idea.

Anyway, from that formula, yeat yee gets three peanuts of love from me. She's got another letter 'y' in the surname. Then yinyin, due to the pet name gets two peanuts. Yvonne gets only one peanut, so you'll understand the disappointment when i discovered the girl singing in the ktv room is yvonne and not yeat yee. (I reiterate my first sentence, no one take this post too seriously ok.)

Again with the same formula, dancin' kid gets three peanuts, runnin' kid gets zero peanuts, xiaxue gets one peanut because she is also wendy. Little miss drinkalot.. Noooooo, how can my idol get a score of zero peanuts? I'll rename her. Lyttle myss drynkalot gets three peanuts.

And... i have zero peanuts of love for myself : (

Altruism and Game Theory

I was talking to my colleague a couple days ago and a rather sticky topic came about. Usually i avoid talking about altruism, the desire to help others, from an evolutionary point of view, as it brings up bags of game theory.

I think yinyin would be the only person so far to have hear me talk about altruism more than a couple times. I would often say to her, "Hmm... i should be nice and helpful to this person coz he might still be useful".

This does make me sound very evil. That i am helpful with a motive, and as my colleague would like to say, calculative. Which is rightly so, not because i'm calculative, but becuase i'm always calling her names too, like evil, selfish, antisocial etc, which also is rightly so, not because she is evil, selfish or antisocial, but because i'm the one saying it. In more simplistic terms, i'm saying that i'm right and she's wrong.

Say someone is drowning in a river, and a person jumps in to save the drowning person, and act of altruism. Studying psychology, one would come across the question, "Does true altruism exist?".

When the drowning person is a relative, one could argue that helping person gains by saving somone who comes from the same gene pool, therefore helping another person is strengthening one's own gene pool. So instinctively, humans would want to help their own.

But what if the drowning person is a stranger? What rationale is there for another person to jump in to save someone, who is a potential rival of the person's own gene pool? It is here that we must discuss reciprocity. As social animals, saving another person would increase the chance of reciprocity and therefore strengthen one's own gene pool should there be a need for help in the future.

Not that humans consciously help people to expect higher chances of reciprocity. But as social animals, we've learn over the time we've been alive that people tend to respond with nice-ness to nice-ness.

Which brings me back to my case of helping people. Recognising the evolutionary side of helping, understanding it and performing cost and benefit analysis, does it really make my help less genuine? Is ignorance more magnanimous than knowing? For i have never once demanded help from someone citing that i've help him/her before as the reasons for helping me.

Although personally, i do feel dissapointed if someone i help alot doesn't help me when it was my turn in need. But who won't feel dissapointed? Does applying evolution theory makes one more devious, cunning, calculative? Can i not, with knowledge of altruism and why it occurs, not offer help with no demands?

Is being honest with altruism a flaw?

Today seems a little different. The canteen at the office seems to have an unusual amount of babe activity. Ladies were literally flitting through the canteen on butterfly wings. I think i'll have lunch in the canteen today.

Anyway, i think i appeared in Malaysia The Star newspapers. Could anyone in Malaysia be an absolute darling, and mail me a copy of the paper that has my photograph in it? Don't need to mail me the whole newspaper, just that page will do. If you've got a paypal account, i'll pay for the paper and postage too.

I haven't gotten my hands on the article, so i don't really know what the article talks about and which picture it is. My guess is that the picture would be one that has me pointing to an RFID reader in front of... come to think of it, i don't really know the guy's name either... i think he's a datuk and some minister or ex-minister of finance.

Anyway, the article should be talking about RFID. So... anyone got the paper, email me 'k? My email is at the bottom of this blog.

Here's a link to a skeptic report about Uri Geller bending spoons.

Edit:
And a skeptic report for firewalking.

i prayed to God for miracle, but i got peanuts

Before i begin, wait... the word begin looks funny. I'm actually not sure if i got the spelling correct anot. I think it must be the font. Anyway, before i begin, i'll have you know that the following is wholly biased, unobjective, unprofessional, unsound, unanalytical, untrue, un-what-not um... i lost my train of thoughts. Anyway, don't sue me or get me sued. Afterall, i don't know peanuts about what i'm talking about.

Anway, i'm sure everyone has heard a good deal about peanuts, gold plated peanuts, etc etc. And there are those who renounce donations to Ann Kay Af. On the supporting reasons that some guy is making a tidy profit off their donations, so better don't donate right? Sometimes i wonder why we pay taxes.

The point was that the contributions were voluntary and people kind of feel buay song (hokkien) that someone is becoming a millionaire out of it. Which in turn makes me shake my head and ask, "How different are 'voluntary' Church donations?"

Yet some people religiously, this word cannot be more apt, do whatever it is that they do on Sundays, and mind you there are some pretty indepth analysis to suggest that Sabbath is on Saturday and not Sunday.

Which brings to mind, that the biblical rationale that we observe Sabbath was that because God rested on Sabbath day, the seventh day of creation, humans should thus rest on that day too. Hey, give the big guy a kit kat, he needs a break too.

So... why are weeks in quantities of seven days? If we were true to the bible, and we know that God has stopped creating since day six, the amount of work we're allowed to perform comes up to only six days of our lives. Whoop, i'm so going to hell, God decreed that i can only work six days of my life. Jesus loves me, he didn't know that i love him more.

Yay! Xiaxue got back all her stuff. And all her archives were restored by some god of blogs. There you go, be nice to the support and logistics, you don't know when they'll be an angel.

I know, i'm always kind of late in these posts.

Once more, my banner of support :

I don't get the thing with nail polish. Why do some girls like to tickle their toes with it but not their fingers?

Roy Chui, about atheism

Roy Chui of Sing.ah.pore speaks of his history, on how he turned from Christianity.

Excerpt :

"...

Perhaps, before I begin to broach on the subject, it is perhaps prudent for me to explain what atheism means to me, or to the majority of atheists out there (If there ever is such thing known as a atheist majority, that is). Atheism is a state of non-belief of any phenomenon, creatures, deities, demons, objects, and everything that cannot be validated by the basic tenets of science

Over the years I have had many religious friends coming forth to me, explaining their religious beliefs, and why it is dangerous, and sometimes immoral, not to have a basis of religious faith in my life. Muslims, Christians, Buddhists, they have all approached me, Christians especially, at some point of my life. No disrespect to them, I like the way I am now, well, maybe not entirely, but I have no need for a belief in a god above me which I can neither speak to nor hear from (Unless you are talking about a bad case of schizophrenia) to sustain my emotions. I am not an adrenaline junkie, for goodness sake!

Having said that, it would be terrible easy and high-handed for me to simply criticize them as simpletons, or label them as religious extremists. The truth is, most of them are simply sincere, ordinary folks, which makes it all the harder to refuse them, although eventually I did, and sometimes it does get a little too difficult for my liking.

...

Back then, I was pretty much a curious little lad, and throughout the next four years I was constantly indoctrinated with fundamentalist beliefs. I was taught that God created Man, and that we were born sinners, and that if we did not repent from our sins, we shall be burned in hell for eternity. At that point of time, hell didn't seem so scary to me, I mean, I was only a kid, although I must say some of the new kids who came and went didn't react to well to it. I could see it in their faces, that they really dreaded hell. Not that I loved it, but at that point of time, I just couldn't be bothered.

...

The more I read, the more I couldn't reconcile the Baptist faith (Or any other faith for the matter), with my own logical mind. I could find no proof that God existed, neither could I prove God didn't exist either. But that logic applies to fairies, elves and what-nots too. Am I supposed to believe in elves, since I cannot prove they do not exist? ...

..."

Dinner was with Yvonne and her friends at Market Cafe at Merchant Court Hotel. Not very sure if i'm getting the name of the places right. The dinner was a buffet with free flow of lobsters! Wata! Yipee ya ya, yipee yipee ya.

But the lobsters were not really to my taste. Now i have a very fussy demanding taste when it comes to lobsters. Sauce, gravy, mayonnaise, anything, are a nono as they only mask the savory taste of lobsters. Chefs, bah! They know nothing about a good lobster.

It appears that my last couple posts generated quite abit of activity. Particularly the one which i used an expletive and the last one about me in KL with my colleague.

Regarding the one which expressed significant dislike for the SDU guy. Its probably a biased version of description of him, since he pissed me off. But i kind of never expected people whom i meet for the first time to diss on me. Other than him having a pechant for confidence, ego and quoting catch phrases from dating books, he is actually not that bad a guy. After all, he did offer me a ride : )

And then the one about my colleague and i in Subang Jaya. The sharing of rooms with a female colleague. The main concern stems from having to share a bathroom with a female. I didn't think it was a problem, and i still don't think it is a problem. I've shared bathrooms with my girl housemates in Gippy before also wat.

For one thing, i kind of treated the bathroom like a public washroom. And having needing to go to toilet together with a scorpion before, i didn't think there was much bathroom troubles that could ail me. Unless it floods.

Just went out for dinner with my colleague and her SDU friends. Or rather, one of the guy in the group is her SDU friend and the others are... well single people. The whole dinner conversation consist of nothing but dating and was conversed by only one person, my colleague's SDU friend.

I do have a dislike for SDU as a matchmate organisation. Mainly because its only for graduates. What has love or even marriage or nookie life got to do with paper qualifications?

Actually i'm pretty pissed off with that SDU guy. Before the dinner even began, he said quiet guys are evil and that good guys like him talk alot... What the hell. He also like to pointedly point at me and make me a butt of his joke, that my image is terrible and that i could never get any girls. WTF KNNBCCB, as if i'm very good friend with him! Since i'm pretty pissed with him, i shall not blog about him, as anything i write would be extremely biased and prone to violence.

There was a girl, with curly hair slightly longer than shoulder length, not much make up and was quite pretty. Ariel her name was, or something like dat. I could get to like her, i thought. And then the nagging suspicion came. She must be a Christian. I always have this habit of liking Christians... Not long into the conversations, my suspicions were confirmed. Not that i prefer non-Christians, but Christians prefer themselves.

Anyway, its nice of her to include me when asking little psychology questions which people recieve on sms. The first was "You're looking into the nightsky, choose one; moon, star, cloud, comet." I chose cloud. She said i'm more into lifetime relationships. The second question was "Choose one; King of hearts, Queen of hearts, Jack of hearts and Ten of hearts." I chose Queen of hearts. She said i'm interested in a relationship, but waiting for someone to initiate it. Accurate? If you know me... *sigh*

It is kind of weird why social people need anti-social people like me to teach them on how to be social. If someone is quiet, you talk to them, not comment that they are quiet. Its not as if commenting that, is a great conversation starter.

And when it was time to part, we were walking back, and i as usual, walk slowly so that i'll be the last person. And then i noticed Ariel was walking very slowly too. But then she was taking a bus and i was going with my colleague who got a ride from her SDU friend, which means i also got a ride. In any case, the short distance meant little time before parting meant not enough time to bolster confidence for casual chat meant no phone number etc. Oh well... life already sucks anyway.

OMG... Xiaxue's blog got destroyed by a password guesser. Her archives were deleted. That's a couple years of hard work ya noe. I cannot imagine how reactive i would become if somone deleted my archives.

Because nice-ness somtimes do come about, and in bundles.

Why do i have to put up with nastiness? I now truly regret not telling my boss that i require separate rooms from excruiciatingly epitome of 'ma(2) fan(2)'ness.

It was agreed the night before that my colleague would set her alarm to 0700, and me to 0730. Quite pointedly, there is only one bathroom in the hotel room. She wakes up at 0700, switches on all the lights, slams the bathroom door not once but many times, switch on the tv and waltz into the bathroom to take a shower.

I'm utterly pissed by now. But i say nothing, simply turning off the tv and my side's bed lights, and hopefully catch some sleep before 0730 comes around. Note, she was in the bathroom, she could not have possibly watched the TV in a shower, unless she shower without closing the door and have an extremely ET like neck that can snake round the wall to watch the TV.

In less than five minutes, she comes back out, turns on the TV, and waltz back in to shower. And notedly, she did tuned up the volume of the TV, it was quite soft last night.

So it was, she woke me up, when there was only one bathroom, and without asking if i wanted to go for my morning pee first, denied me my morning pee for a full 18 minutes. Talk about being social...

One of those nights

Its 0440 in the morning, and i'm blogging instead of sleeping. I was awaken at 0400. I went to the loo, took a pee, took a draught from the complimentary mineral water, curled back up into the nice and cozy bed, look over to the other bed, colleague still sound asleep, open up my ears, couldn't find any source of disturbance that prominenetly labels itself as 'I woke you up'.

Idling minds and wandering minds. I began to curl up more tightly in bed as my mind began to wander. I half expected to hear spiritual beings walking in the room, taking a seat at my colleague's double bed, slapping my face for not believing and saying "I exist, therefore i am."

As my imagination run wild, i began trying to note if there was any Toyol (i assure you that it is not fun to click through Toyol websites in the dead of the night) pulling at my blanket. If there was any sudden cold draft of air or anything moving in the corner of my sight (kind of makes your eyes roll around). Unable to find my dream girl once more, i took my laptop to the network point to start blogging, all the while taking care not to take more than fleeting glances at the mirror, less sadako or the like climb out.

I then noticed that seated at the chair i was, my slippers and my colleague's shoes were pointed at me, so i went over to point them somewhere else. On my way back to my seat, i took one direct look at the mirror, mentally daring sadako to appear. I cannot help but remember what my friend, Cable said, "Sadako is actually a pretty girl once you get to look at her in the face."

What am i doing, an unbeliever of all things spiritual, fearing ghosts and spirits. Am i a hypocrite? Perhaps. But these things are so ingrained into my culture, my learning, it becomes difficult not to fear them. I have friends who are verily Christians who are also afraid of ghosts.

Contrary to what mr wang says so says, that in my quest to become more scientific i have become unscientific and blind in my unfaith, it is actually much easier to return to a life of believing. It takes alot more courage to step away into the cold and harsh loneliness of unbelieving (lonely in that there are no spirits, no gods, where the conscious me dissappear when i die, and no deceased family and friends to find after i die). But i shall keep that in mind, less atheism becomes a religion itself.

Wandering minds leap in bounds. I was then thinking about mr wang says so and a couple others' blogs that talked about the politics in my own beloved country. Religion, Christianity in particular, has alot in common with the ruling party in my beloved country.

The opression of human rights, freedom of speech, the disparity in income levels, slowly but surely some of it is changing, and changing for the better as mrbrown says. Maybe the society which i wish to see may not materialise in my lifetime. But i will at the very least, grant myself hope, and believe that the system is changing.

But what if the system is not changing? Then change would occur elsewhere. And i see only three options, and it shudders my soul to think about them.

One. I could start believing once more. It is not difficult to once more feel excited about national days, to think that the wise guys are doing their jobs properly, and that their hair is worth $10 more per haircut than mine. Some parts of the system leaves me disillusioned, other parts fill me with pride to be a sing.ah.porean. It is not difficult to subscribe once more to elitism, even if it means i'm on the bottom end. Leave the thinking to the big guys, no?

Which brings me to the question of why i type sing.ah.pore instead of Singapore. Actually i have no idea. But i think its like why peopletype gahmen instead of government. Maybe the anon people would prefer home affairs to be unable to google their comments up on keywords "government" when they talk bad about the country. But i cannot imagine anyone trying to search for dissent to be so stoopid not to google for "gahmen". Or maybe the anon people want to be searchable by keywords "gahmen".

Two. I can start after the likes of political opposition like JBJ or CSJ. However, while i'm a reckless man, i am not a brave man. I am not quite ready to go to jail for/to making/make a stand.

Three. Or i could leave. Assuming that it is easy to gain residentship in another country, how could i simply leave. What of my mom, aunties, cousins and friends? But looking at it again, it is also not difficult to leave, for i said mom, not parents or family, i said aunties not aunties and uncles, and i do not have that many friends.

But to leave is to start everything from scratch, in a land foreign, whose history, language, transport system, culture, policies, would be stranger to me. Have i the courage to do that? And would another country be any better? As Grace Chow said, "The feeling of comprehension was dawning upon me of what they meant when they said it was the same everywhere in the world. What did it matter that i was now in the western hemisphere? Human problems and needs remained alike. Misery cannot be stopped at border controls."

Sleepless in KL once more

I'm back in Summit Hotel. The executive deluxe room looks dissapointingly like the standard rooms, except it is in a higher storey, have internet access in the rooms and includes breakfast and pre-dinner cocktail. The good thing about the pre-dinner cocktail is that the food is free flow, and the hefty amount we ate was sufficient to serve as dinner.

I'm in the room typing this time round, with a grande size starbucks coffee, wishing i ordered the hazelnut syrup over the vanilla syrup.

Work was minimal and was a sleep over. Or sleep through. Coming here for a second time, allowed me to finish half of "A Pain In The Neck" By Grace Chow, author of dyingis.blogspot.com. I truly love the book. It is humorous at times, saddening at times, it is always sad to read about people dying. Grace Chow says something that struck a chord in me when she talked about the atheist death. Where the consciousness dissappear rather than going on through some afterlife.

Excerpt :
"Being dead is hence the easy part. It is dying that is frightening."

Her mixture of sad and happy parts was just nice, weaving in and out of them intricately. The experience was... the describing word escapes me for the moment.

Going to KL/Selangor tomorrow for another two days. Cya.

*Update
I'll be staying in The Summit Hotel again. The difference this time is that the standard hotel rooms are all booked. So my colleague and i are getting the executive deluxe room this time! Woot! Let you know more tomorrow.

Many years ago, i was talking to someone and said jokingly that she always loses in an argument. To which she got peeved and retorted, "I never lose an argument.". Which many years later today, i correct her, "You meant to say you never concede an argument.". One can choose not to concede even when he/she has alredy lost the argument.

I shall digress.
"How are you feeling?" you ask.
"I'm feeling 6.4807." the guy says.
This coming from anyone short of a cyborg, would surely have prompted a reply that goes something like, "You're feeling 6.4807 units of what?"
"6.4807 is a legitimate feeling in and of itself."
You're begining to think that the guy is a cyborg.
Then you say, "But what is the meaning of 6.4807?"
"The square of 6.4807 approaches 42 which is the meaning of life."
This goes on for quite sometime, but eventually you realise that the guy really is a cyborg and not only are you asking the wrong question, you're asking the wrong person.

Back on track.
Here is where faith come in. The term "blind faith" contains redundancy, much like ATM Machine and PIN Number. Faith, of itself, is neccessarily blind. For one could hardly say, "I have faith in you, but i doubt you will succeed." all in the same sentence. It makes for contradictions. But refusing to concede even after losing, is not really faith, more like stubborness. Which in turn means i'm still digressing O_o

A friend who is a theist, recently told me that she does not read my blog anymore. And she quite pointedly repeated to me what she has done, as if it was a big deal. It was and is a big deal, for she is a rather fond friend. She often asked of me, why i read up on atheism articles. It was of her opinion that i did not read up on the articles on the other side of the argument. And between the two, is it so wrong of me to choose the logical side of the argument. One which relies not on faith?

I told her i read up on both sides of the argument, including creationists, and more recently quantum mystics. I said, "Shouldn't we read more variety so we could formulate a better understanding?"
"Yes, it is good to read more. But what you wrote is untrue.", she said. But she missed the fact that the outright dismissal of what i've written/said as untrue, is contradicting what she claims, that it is good to read more.

And she continued, "So i'm not reading your blog anymore. It's untrue, and it's a waste of time to read untrue stuff.". A waste of time, that's what my blog is. But untrue?

I said there was a particular bible verse which ranks women among cows and donkeys, that treat females as mere property of males, and suddenly all i've ever said is untrue? I could be mistaken, but would i knowingly say something untrue? Am i the lying tongue sent by God? (Um... God sent lying tongues to people, read the bible)

What am i to believe as true? That tapping a wooden stick on the ground could part seas? That a god flooded the whole world, with water that came from no where before and went no where after, out of anger is a loving god? What of the koalas, sloths, salamanders (Yes do read up on the movement rate of lungless salamanders) and freshwater and saltwater fishes? Are all humans really descendants through incest of children of Adam and Eve? People dying and coming back to life and such a miraculous event not recorded by any of the 500 witnesses (maybe they are all illiterate)? Creating food and wine out of nothing (No Mr Wang, despite his endurance feats, i think David Blaine is a trickster)? That there is a heaven and hell which no one has been to and return before and that we still can have descriptions of it? Are these all true?

My fond friend, i apologise for offending you. But I do not, for what i've said. It is not as untrue as your God is true. I can contend that i am mistaken and that all the above is true, but can you even allow the possiblity of it being untrue?

The office has shifted, but there is no phone connection in the new office. Since i needed to work on a program for the customer which required internet access, i'm staying around the old office, bare of everything with only one desk, one char, one fax machine and my RFID stuff.

And its raining now, i looked out the window and saw rain splattering on the window ledge. I hadn't been able to look out the window before, since i was position out of direct line of sight of the window before the office became bare. The partitions are still there, but the table is located beside the window. My usual table has been taken the new office.

And watching the splattering rain, it is kind of weird that it felt weird. Rain, suddenly it seem, is no longer a familiar sight to me. I think i'm more used to hail. But that could be a false perception, maybe thinking a little too much about Gippy... I wonder how long it will be before i ever see tiny drops of ice bouncing off window ledges again.

Sleepless in KL Selangor Sing.Ah.Pore Epilogue

Home sweet. The trip back was pretty much in dreamland. Not much to recall. Just two things which i decidely dislike popped into my mind. I dislike toilets where people could go to the ladies, while on the way take a look into gents, and see a couple gentlemen facing the urinals. The second thing is flies in aircon buses.

But being back is good. If you've noticed, i was rather incoherent in a foreign land, plus i had only 30 minutes of complimentary internet access each time. Though one might argue that i don't write coherently ever...

Anyway, the trip didn't achieve as much as we hope to, but atleast something was set to go at the customer site. One of the hotel receptionist was rather memorable. Her name was Yanni, or Yani. I can't remember how many 'n's there were on her name tag. She's the receptionist whom i talked about in day one, whom my colleague and i had to get the random password from.

Thinking back, the reason she didn't asked me for my room number was because she thought my colleague and i was from the same room. With only 30 minutes of complimentary internet access per room, that meant that she gave me 30 minutes for free, out of kindness. There are nice people in the world.

Don't think i can go to the Blog Con today : ( Got a family gathering later. But i want the T-Shirt boohoo : (

Unfortunately or fortunately, i didn't die in the trip. But life still sucks anyway. Obtw, contrary to the titles, i was in Selangor, not KL. And the nights were also not sleepless, except for the one which i had to do programming. Cheers.

Sleepless in KL day three, and almost ended badly

So much for hopes of going home today. Looked at the computer from morning till 9 at nite, debugging for stupid errors in my own changes. Turn out that the project can't go online... And really boh pian, have to go back tomorrow. I feel so shitty now...

Worked til 1+am last night making the changes : ( Now my cough has come back. The dry cough that results from stress rather than virus. @#$%^ Anyway, the customer offered to send us back to KL city tomorrow. So it wasn't all that bad a day, saved up on the exorbitant cab fare which i think is difficult to explain to big boss.

Anyway, for dinner i had unagi. Breakfast was at the buffet thingy again. But going a second time, the buffet seem to be lacking in lustre. Lunch was pretty non-existent, with work bogged down and all.

It doesn't end tomorrow. The part which i couldn't get to work, the customer wants by Monday. Which counting the days.. isn't alot to go by. Not sure if i'll be able to make it to Blog Con tomorrow. Actually, not even sure of the place and time. But i wanna get that T-shirt leh... And i also wanna take photo with Xiaxue. But... i dun haf a camera... Mom used the camera for her HK trip.

Sunday will have to go back office to move office. Hopefully, with my wayward cajoling, i could get a day off >:)

I think hiding back in the hotel room with a cup of Starbucks latte and watching cable TV seems like a nice and cozy retirement feeling.

Anway, its confirmed bye bye Selangor and welcome KL and hopefully Woodlands. Not sure when and if i'm coming back.

Oh... other than the shopping center that's joined together with the hotel, there's nothing else around. Its residential everywhere else. And there's no MRT or something to go somewhere more interesting. But the shopping center seems enuff. Other than loads of 'P' version DVDs, they haf a bowling center, cinema, snookerium and Starbucks!

I love Starbucks.

Sleepless in KL day two and one LONG night.

I'm trying to type everything under the complimentary 30min internet access.

It's ladies nite at the hotel's pub. I would have gone and grab afew drinks, despite having brought only a couple measly dollars here.

Breakfast was at the hotel.. donno wat lah, but it was buffet breakfast. The feed was quite nice. Food was free today, my colleague is treating me, out of his own pocket.

Lunch was at the warehouse's nearby canteen. It was kind of weird eating there. First, you pick up a plate, scoop your own rice, scoop your own food, get your own drink, plop everything at the counter and let them count. Something you dun get to do in sg.

My handphone battery died. My colleague's handphone battery died. We both don't have a charger. Well, i have a charger, but it doesn't seem to be able to charge anything...

Things dun seem to be going to well, i need to do programming tonight. And hopefully, i'll finish early enough to grab some sleep. And i hate to program without being able to test what i'm writing : (

I bought a cup of starbucks latte just now, thinking of grabbing another after this.

Okie cut short. Only left 5 mins. Publish.

Sleepless in KL day one

I'm not really in Kuala Lumpur now. The coach dropped us off in KL and our customer drove us from KL to Selangor. Our customer wisely booked a twin bed room for each of us and we also have complimentary free drinks for two for each of us. The room looks quite lonely, maybe becoz there are two beds...

Anyway, i'm using the hotel's supposedly complimentary half hour of internet service. The receptionist gave me a username and password, but i didn't seem to need to enter it to use the internet. Nor was i required to give my room number to get the username and password. Kind of puzzles me.

Anyway, it was kind of disorientating at lunch today. Coz after i ordered my food, and the first question i asked was "Pay where.". A kind girl beside me said "After eat." Which truly puzzles me too... for how was anyone gonna figure out what i ate if i've eaten it already... Well.. actually, they gave me a bill after i sat down at the table with the food, before i eat that is...

There's KFC, Watsons, MacDonalds, Starbucks in the shopping center beside the hotel.

And work.. work didn't go as smoothly as dreamed about.. Sometimes, people assume that we could twiddle our fingers and there is RFID and then we could sit back and say "All is good.".

The Dalai Lama said...

"December 8, 1999. The Dalai Lama says that religious leaders should stop relying on prayer and meditation to bring about world peace. They should do something instead. "Change," he says, "only takes place through action, not through meditation and prayer." I wonder how they took the news in Damascus, where President Hafez al-Assad has all of Muslim Syria praying for rain even though he knows words are not enough for some things.

The Dalai Lama also says that the new millennium is "nothing special."

His remarks were made before some 7,000 delegates from 70 countries at the Parliament of the World's Religions held in Capetown, South Africa. "We need to ask, 'How can I make a contribution (to world peace)?', not 'How can I further my own religion?'" he said.

While on a tour promoting his new book in the U.S. recently, he was asked what Buddhists would do if science discovered that something they'd been teaching were proved false. He said that if the scientists were right, the Buddhists would change their teaching."

The Dalai Lama, or rather this Dalai Lama, most certainly earn my respect.

Hello my blogders. I'll be off to KL for work for three days. That means no posting from me + the weekend lull. If i died on the trip, hopefully someone will keep her promise and log in here and tell you my lovely blogders that i am in fact dead already. Oh um.. i like white roses btw...

Anyway despite plane crashes being more catastrophic than bus crashes, i think dying from bus rides are more likely than plane flights. Read about it somewhere, but then i've taken more buses than planes in my entire life. There's the law of large numbers ya noe. Oh well.. life sucks anyway.

Oh my god... my boss bought a HUGE box of biscuits and placed it in the office. Seems like anticipating something.. Not good, oh well...

Anyway, people around have been asking me why i do not find a girlfriend. And strangely enough, the concern that my mom as yet does not have any grandchildren is not coming from my mom herself. Not that it would make any difference if mom herself was pestering me, thought i'll say this before anyone gets any weird ideas to get me mom in the alliance.

I would also like to add that i have two older brothers, if daughter in laws are coming from anywhere, shouldn't it come from them? Somehow i am assumed to be some kind of a knight on white horse who'll sweep any girl of their feet by blowing kisses or something. Frankly, i wished i was. Then Yinyin would not need to call me SFH (Sexually Frustrated Housemate).

Hmm.. why do i always get the feeling that strangers who read my blog is gonna stereotype me as a wanker? Bah... discrimination.

There is a game, called Planscape: Torment. A pretty old rpg (role playing game). The story in the game was a about a man who made a deal with a powerful night hag, called Ravel. The night hag used some magic to separate the man and his mortality. With his mortality separated from him, the man could not truly die. He would die only to come back to life.

But the spell was flawed, and the man would forget a little bit each time time he died. Over time, the man's mortality gained sentience and sought to totally destroy the man, hoping to make the man forget about his lost mortality. Coz the man's mortality was afraid that the man would one day want to merge with itself, thereby causing itself to lose its own existence.

The game casts you as the man, who have forgotten himself, and is called nameless one as a result. In the game, you had to find Ravel to understand what is missing from your own life, and thus finally seek your own mortality.

Throughout the game, you'll hear Ravel's riddle, "What can change the nature of a man?". Anyone who tried to answer the riddle, would be destroyed by Ravel. And when you (nameless one), finally found Ravel and had to answer the riddle, it didn't matter what your answer was, Ravel would accept it anyway. For the only answer she wanted, was your answer. Which in a way says that only oneself could change the nature of a man.

And of course, you'll understand why i love the story line of this game so much, if you've been following my blog for the past couple months.

Being an atheist is not without its consequences. For without heaven or hell or soul or some system of recycling, for me to die is arbitrary and final. And of this reason, i'm very afraid of death. But i find no shame in such fear, for i accept death as part of life, not part of some cosmic purpose, or cosmic cycle. How could i die if some part of me lives on? If some part of me remains conscious, then i would never have died. This to me, seems like some form of desperate notion to reject death as final and transform death from dying into a transition.

Benny said to me, that my concept of death is ke(3) bei(1)(pinyin). Frankly, i'm not very sure what he meant since my mandarin is not very good, but it doesn't sound very positive. Believing in an afterlife, does not make you live forever.

Regarding Homosexuality

Here's a couple letters to Austine Cline in athesim.about.com regarding homosexuality.

Incoming Mail: "In my humble opnion, I don't have to look to religion to feel that homosexuality is not a desired behavior or lifestyle. Science has show that through millions of years of evolution, life on this planet has one goal, reproduction. Therefore I would have to assume that humans are no different, and that our genetic programing, to work "right" would promote behaviors to ensure reproduction. ... We have many in our population that have genetics expressed which hinder their development compared to the rest of the population - it is normal to have these individuals, but not what most people would consider a desireable condition."

Austine's Reply: "Desirable? Desirable for whom? Evolution doesn't desire anything. Life doesn't desire anything. Nature doesn't desire anything. The concept of "desire" assumes some person who is experiencing the desire - does he mean that it is a trait that isn't desirable for him? Well, then, he can just avoid "being" homosexual, right?

Based upon his arguments, a couple who chooses to remain childless because they abhor overpopulation are not engaging in an desired behavior or lifestyle. People who use contraception are engaging in an undesired behavior. So are those who have themselves sterilized.

But that would be an absurd position, wouldn't it? Clearly, then, behaviors which inhibit reproduction are not automatically wrong."

Another letter, but a different approach.

Incoming Mail: "As a citizen of our country or more broadly the human race, homosexuals should have the same human rights as our most "elite" and our most unfortunate do,(except for the ones that murder, rape, or otherwise strip innocents of their rights, but that's another discussion!). But that doesn't change the fact that the behavior itself doesn't follow the biological norms scientists have observed in most all species alive or extinct and thus can not, IMHO, be considered positive. I know many people like to think that humans are so different and special compared to other species when the comparisons don't support their particular views but like the comparisons when they do. In species specific physiological comparisons yes there are differences, -duh! but in broad comparisons life is life and life's purpose is to reproduce."

Austine's Reply: "Actually, homosexual encounters are just as frequent if not more frequent between female bonobo chimpanzees as compared to heterosexual encounters. As a matter of fact, there are lots of things which humans do which do not "follow the biological norms scientists have observed in most all species." Does that mean the building computers and using the internet is wrong? No. What is or is not desired cannot be decided by looking to what is popular or just common - especially in other species.

Your life's purpose is what ever you make it to be - no one, not a god and not evolution - has thrust any "purpose" on you. "

Found this conversation in a game forum. Kind of interesting. Btw, HT is the acronym of the name of the game.

Excerpt :

robbieczh: "u're a retiree?
how old are u now?"

eck77: "he said retire from working full time mah... shd be still working part time or freelance la.. otherwise.. play golf or hattrick everyday?? >.<"

fairley: "There is no need to retire on the Government's pre-determined date. I retired (from working full-time) at 41, which was 10 years ago. ;p"

robbieczh: "u must be filthy rich for u to do that...
pple nowadays slog their whole life... even at age 60 still must slog..."

Chemi: "there's this email joke in the past that said something like when u retire, you are like a monkey for your grandchildren... :P"

fairley: "Personally I feel that you can retire "from full-time working" earlier if you stop chasing the 6Cs (cash, cars, condos, credit cards, country clubs and casino memberships).

When I started work in 1970s, one of Chief Engineers (US Citizen) retired after 45 years with the company. We had a huge party (grilled steaks, lamb ribs, hamburgers, soft drinks, etc) on the work-site (no liquor allowed - safety lah!) to send the guy off. He flys home to his 500-acre cattle ranch with fishing lake and huge mansion. Two weeks later, he was found dead on the front porch with a beer-in-hand. Moral is Worked 45 years and enjoy retirement for only Two Weeks. Doesn't make sense - does it?

Life (like HT) is about ensuring your "sustainable" income remains above your operating costs. Once this is achieved, then retirement (HT success) is possible. ;p"

I'm actually supposed to be quite busy and stressed up with a project deadline, actually more like hlafline, coming up. But i can't seem to be too excited, can't afford to be excited, sometimes even i surprise myself. Seems like no one knows what's going to happen and what's need over the next seven days. I'll say what i need is more time to blog though, there just isn't enough time.

"Something is happening, i not the jedi i'm supposed to be.", Anakin.

Isn't it weird? When i'm told to read up on quantum physics, i read up on quantum mysticism. I'm pretty biased. Anyway, some light reading for those interested, Quantum Confusion: Does Modern Physics Support the Psychics?.

Excerpt :
"In the 90’s, Deepak Chopra has written many best selling books with "quantum" in the title, including Quantum Healing: Exploring the Frontiers of Mind/Body Medicine and Ageless Body, Timeless Mind: The Quantum Alternative to Growing Old. In these books Chopra promulgates his brand of alternative medicine, quantum healing, in which the mind alone can heal all ills and afford us virtual immortality."

I hope no one takes this too literally. If you're sick, see a doctor and take medicine. I know many medicines have biased test results. And one might argue taking a placebo pill is no different from using alternative placeboes, so long as one believes enough in the placebo, be it pill or mental. But atleast you get an MC when you visit the doctor...

Once more, i'll leave the delicate intricacies to those who understand the mathematics of both sides of the arguments. This is among one of the many reasons why i always tell Dancin 'Kid that her major is something of envy. Mathematics is used in everywhere.

I think my job is harzardous. It has to be when the RFID reader and attenae are close enough to be used as a pillow. My colleague and i share a third table between us, and she wanted to put a laptop on the third table, thus pushing the hot potato closer to me.

And my mom was always complaining about me putting the fan at the head of the bed, saying the RF emissions from the fan is harmful. If the fan is harmful, then my job is an overkill.

Sure, the readers are operating in frequencies and waltage authorised by some governing body, but i doubt they tested for side-effects at such close distances, eight hours a day.

Anybody want to donate 100 bottles of mineral water to me? Or that helmet which Mageneto wears. I could use some shielding.

Huh? blog more on about that night? Basically just went marche and had dinner. Most interesting thing was Benny is "pak tor"ing and how he um... finished off his ex-gf. Um... feel like saying "no need lah" at this point. Dun get me wrong, nothing to do with the finishing off of the ex-gf.

Anyway, Alvin still has his wolf fixation, but went mad with the potatoes. Rosti, mashed potatoes etc. Leave those poor lupines alone. You've already got your pokemons.

And everyone still calls me master wong. Outrageous. After my long meditation in the submit of Mount Everyone Been Before, i've long since upgraded okie. I'm now grandmaster. The appropriate designation is sensei. I think i should adopt a jap name. I think i'll just call myself Grandmaster, Sensei Michiko for the time being. Does Michiko sound girly?

After dinner we popped over to coffee bean which was full. So we headed to Kopi-Tiam to drink... basically everyone had their own drinks. I forgot what we were talking about at Kopi-Tiam. Coz u see, the babe quantity in Kopi-Tiam was gosong compared to Marche. Um... it actually was gosong without having to compare to any other place. I was kind of like in hibernation mode.

I dun understand why omy got no gf. Must be he is too picky. He's good looking, got car, got good paying job, is an officer, is a navy officer etc etc. If i were gay, i'll marry him.

Roll call was Xinwei, omy, Benny, Xiangwen, Alvin and the cute, lovable, suave, undefeated, totally cool, wild and sexy, kind, benevolent, generous, gentlemanly, courteous, Jay Chow clone, three times world champion, nine times national champion, and slighly buay pai seh, buay heow bai Grandmaster.

After that we went home. omy drove, Xinwei and i took the mrt, Alvin turned into a wolf and ran home, Xiangwen rode on the wolf and Benny tiptoed onto a cloud and flew away.

And no babes on the way home.

Met up with the poly guys yesterday and dined at Marche. The rest of us, the unmarried ones, were pretty much unscarred by the ravages of time and peer pressure, and pray not parental pressure. Happily or maybe not so happily but not gonna show as some form of weakness entrenched in the single and available status.

Well, all except one. Benny has a girlfriend liao. Of all the people there, i would have least thought that Benny would not be among the first to lose single and available status. Um... Benny, if you're reading, sorrie, but take no offense. I'll explain.

Becoz.

Benny seemed so attached to his religion, that a holy aura glows off him. He's the kind of guy who i would expect to maintain his chastity far longer than his celibacy. While he still is celibate and chaste... um.. i assume he is still chaste since when i tried to advocate pre-marital sex, he was like kind of grossed out. And yes, i tell my friends to have pre-marital nookie...

What was i saying? Nevermind. Anyway, throughout dinner, Benny seem bent on saying that, me with my level of education would be like earning heaps a month. Poor guy refuses to believe that my salary is lower than his. The blind equation of paper qualifications to good life or high income saddens me, and angers me too. You'll understand if someone so much richer than you keeps pointing a finger at you to say that you're rich.

Not.

Anyway, its good that Benny found someone whom he loves very much. Hopefully there'll be some nuptial knot or something. Ah... a beautiful day.